Ocean of feelings
by shadow-lady65
Summary: 16 year old Naruto is slowly breaking under the abuse from the villagers, and a fight with Sakura sends him over the edge. Desperate, he joins Akatsuki. Can they make him feel loved, like he finally belongs somewhere? Yaoi
1. Chapter 1

by shadow-lady65

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. So please don't sue me, there isn't anything I could give you...I'm so poor...*cries*

Summary: Naruto is slowly breaking under the abuse from the villagers, when a fight with Sakura sends him over the edge.

Desperate, he joins Akatsuki. Can those people he's always been told to be evil and stone-hearted show him what it's like to have a family...?  
ItaNaru, possible PainNaru, possible ItaNaruPain

Warnings: This is yaoi/slash people, if you haven't already noticed. Boy on boy love. If this offends you, please hit the back button.

There's also voilence, possible caracter death (nobody important), graphic scenes, and lemons. Also this is a bit AU, Sasuke did never go to Orochimaru.

So folks, this is my first story. Well the prologue of said story. I know my grammar and spelling sucks but I haven't come around to get a beta yet.

Please bear with me, for now. Onto the story!

_Prologue_

"Shit!! I overslept!", was the first thing that came out of Naruto Uzumaki's moutyh on this beautiful, rainy monday morning.

You see, Naruto wasn't just any boy who'd just noticed he'd overslept and was late for school, oh no, Naruto was a Ninja.

A very sleepy and a bit frightend ninja, when he dared to think what Sakura would do to him, but still a ninja.

He was also the container of the nine-tailed fox, a demon the 4th Hokage had sealed in him. Because of that, the villagers were afraid of him and treated him very badly.

Naruto was very smart, so even as a child he realised, that if he were to act like a dumb, obnoxius prankster, people wouldn't fear him even more, and that it would probably save his life.

Since then, he always wore a horrible orange jumpsuite, that hid his beautiful body, pulled one stupid prank after another, and when he came into the academy,

played the loud, always cheerful brat.

Nobody noticed the shadows in his eyes, and everybody just accepted his act and wanted nothing to do with him.

When he became a genin, and got into a team with Sasuke Uchiha, a black haired boy who was silent all the time because his famiy had been killed by his older brother when he was a child,

and Sakura Haruno, who had pink hair, a bad temper and a crush on Sasuke, he slowly found more 'friends'.

He knew, he wasn't anything special to them, but to him they were everything. Slowly he formed his own family over the years which now consisted of Team 7 with their sensei Kakashi, the other Konoha Rookies,

Iruka and the three Sand-Siblings, Gaara, Temari and Kankuro. Together, they'd fought many enemies, and all this time Naruto never once let his mask drop,

simply because he feared their rejections if they knew of his colder and darker, smarter and wiser side, the side of a child who'd seen and felt to many horrors in his life.

So, back to Naruto, who was in the shower now. After he was done, he clothed himself and before he left, took on last look in the mirror.

His reflection showed a beautiful, if a bit feminine boy, who looked to be about 14, which he didn't like to much because he was actually 16,

with bright, azure eyes, that looked very tired right now, clear, lightly tanned skin, blonde hair that fell around his face like a halo and pink, full lips.

But the thing that stood out the most were three whisker like marks on both of his cheeks.

While everybody thougt they were birthmarks, he had actually gotten them when he was four and a few drunken men decided they should do the world a favor by marking the 'freak',

so everybody would know how evil the fragile and pretty boy really was.

Naruto turned around and left his apartment. On the way to the training fields his already bad mood darkend even more.

The hateful looks and thrown rocks from the town people weren't completly innocent. For his own protection he had turned them and everything around him out,

so he only noticed he had arrived at the fields when he bumped into somebody who fell down. "Gomenasai, Sakura. I didn't watch where I was going."

Naruto said and extended his hand to help the girl up. But Sakura only swatted his hand away, stood up and started yelling:

"Don't 'Gomenasai Sakura' me, you stupid idiot. You can't do anything right, can you?! You're so bloody anoying, always going on about how you're gonna be Hokage!

Face it, Naruto, you're never gonna be Hokage, nobody would want a monster like you. i know everybody else thinks so, too, so why don't you do us all a favor and shut up!!"

Sasuke and Kakashi, who had heard the yelling and had walked to them, stopped to look at her, horrified.

Sakura, who had finally noticed what she just said, clapped a hand over her mouth, totally shocked at what she had done. "Naruto, look...", she started but Naruto, who had

silently stood there until now, interrupted her.

" I understand, so that's what you think of me. Well then I won't bother you anymore with my annoying presence.", he stated calmly, all traces of his trademark smile gone, and turned around so they wouldn't see the tears that threatend to spill over. "Naruto, no...", Sasuke tried, but Naruto just laughed coldly and ran away and didn't stop until he reached his apartment.

AN: So, this is my first try on a story. Is it bad...horrible...or maybe even good...?? Let me know. (=

Ja ne, Lilith.


	2. Chapter 2

by shadow-lady65

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. So please don't sue me, there isn't anything I could give you...I'm so poor...*cries*

Summary: Naruto is slowly breaking under the abuse from the villagers, when a fight with Sakura sends him over the edge.

Desperate, he joins Akatsuki. Can those people he's always been told to be evil and stone-hearted show him what it's like to have a family...?  
ItaNaru, possible PainNaru, possible ItaNaruPain

Warnings: This is yaoi/slash people, if you haven't already noticed. Boy on boy love. If this offends you, please hit the back button.

There's also violence, possible character death (nobody important), graphic scenes, and lemons. Also this is a bit AU, Sasuke did never go to Orochimaru.

Attempted suicide in this chapter, nothing explicit.

_Chapter 1_

The moment Naruto was inside his apartment, he locked the door and buried himself in his bed, silent tears steaming down his face and soft sobs rocking his body.

He didn't notice that there were tow other persons in his room who could see him crying his heart out.

"Stupid Sakura, stupid Sasuke, stupid Konoha..." Naruto muttered, trying to convince himself it was their fault.

But how could he, when everything Sakura had said was the truth? He was a monster, nobody wanted him, so why should he continue to live anyways? But then Naruto got an idea:

He could do one thing right in his life; he could rid other people of himself.

"Yes.", he thought, if that was the one thing he could do to finally make the people cared about happy, then he would do it.

Slowly the blonde haired boy walked over to the trunk that held his weapons and picked up one sharp kunai. Then he went over to his bathroom, where he sat down on the cold floor and

held the kunai to his wrist. "So, this is it." Naruto thought, feeling a strange mix of fear, relieve and anticipation, not knowing what would come after death.

"No more pain, no more hateful villagers, and most importantly no more false friends...!"

With a sigh of happiness he slashed his wrist open. The ninja didn't even wince at the pain,

he was used to it. Whether it was emotional pain, because somebody had said hurtful things,

or physical pain, when some town people took their anger out on him, he knew it like a sibling, he had grown up with it.

The blood was flowing slower now, because the damn Kyuubi, the demon responsible for all the mishap that happend in his life, tried to heal him again-but Naruto wouldn't let that happen.

He simply made one large gash after another, feeling more faint by every second passing.

The last thing he saw and heard before his world went black, was a black haired man, looking awfully familiar to Sasuke, screaming his name.

He had never believed in god, but now he hoped ,that even somebody like him could go to heaven.

AN: I know it's short, but because of my last mishaps in school, my mum decided it would be a good idea to take away my laptop, so now I can only write on the family computer,one hour a day.

Life sucks. -.-

Well hope you liked it anyway, I'll try to update as soon as possible.

Review, it makes me happy. Ja ne, Lilith.

.


	3. Chapter 3

by shadow-lady65

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. So please don't sue me, there isn't anything I could give you...I'm so poor...*cries*

Summary: Naruto is slowly breaking under the abuse from the villagers, when a fight with Sakura sends him over the edge.

Desperate, he joins Akatsuki. Can those people he's always been told to be evil and stone-hearted show him what it's like to have a family...?  
ItaNaru, possible PainNaru, possible ItaNaruPain

Warnings: This is yaoi/slash people, if you haven't already noticed. Boy on boy love. If this offends you, please hit the back button.

Rating: T, for now.

There's also violence, possible character death (nobody important), graphic scenes, and later on lemons. This is AU, Orochimaru never happened (though he will play a part in this story later on), Naruto didn't have an encounter with Akatsuki yet and his family is different as in the canon. You will notice in this chapter.

_Chapter 2_

The first thing Naruto noticed when he woke up, that he was in neither heaven, at least not what he thought heaven to look like, nor at this apartment. It also didn't seem like a hospital,

either. Groaning, he sat up and, dully noting the pain in his arm, took a clear look around.

The room was rather tastefully decorated, mainly in brown and beige tones.

The device consisted of a small bed, where Naruto currently sat, a couch, a desk and two chairs. But the nice furniture couldn't drown the panic, that slowly made itself shown.

Where the hell was he? He wanted to die, yes, but he wanted to do it himself, not have some possibly insane lunatic do it. The boy sighed, he needed to find away out.

The sound of a door opening tore Naruto out of his thoughts.

"You're already awake?" a clear, warm voice asked.

A blonde haired guy came into the room, a big smile on his face. "Um, yes?",

the scared ninja said, moving closer to the edge of the bed. He didnt know why,

but the other male seemed somewhat familiar. "That's good. I'm so glad to have you back, my outoto."

"What!", Naruto nearly yelled, looking freaked out. "I'm not your anything, and most definitely not your little brother."

As the older male heard this, he looked very saddened and his eyes teared up. "Pain told me this could happen, but I didn't want to believe it." he murmured, like he was talking to himself.

But then he forced a smile on his face, and said with a clearly false happiness in his voice:

"My name is Deidara, and I am your older brother. Well, half brother. And you are at the Akatsuki hideout."

Naruto stared. And stared. And stared a bit more. And then croaked out a little "What?" and fainted.

"Oh damn. This wasn't supposed to happen." Deidara sighed, still looking dejected.

"Well, at least I don't have to explain everything to him now."

Feeling a bit better, he went to tell the rest of the Akatsuki how the first reunion went.

AN: I know, it's damn short again. Don't hit me. *hides* I just wanted to get this out, because I took so long. I promise the next one will be longer. Pinkie swear.


	4. Chapter 4

by shadow-lady65

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. So please don't sue me, there isn't anything I could give you...I'm so poor...*cries*

Summary: Naruto is slowly breaking under the abuse from the villagers, when a fight with Sakura sends him over the edge.

Desperate, he joins Akatsuki. Can those people he's always been told to be evil and stone-hearted show him what it's like to have a family...?  
ItaNaru, possible PeinNaru, possible ItaNaruPein, SasoDei, and others

Warnings: This is yaoi/slash people, if you haven't already noticed. Boy on boy love. If this offends you, please hit the back button.

Rating: T, for now.

There's also violence, possible character death (nobody important), graphic scenes, and later on lemons. This is AU, Orochimaru never happened (though he will play a part in this story later on), Naruto didn't have an encounter with Akatsuki yet and his family is different as in the canon.

_Chapter 3_

The moment Deidara walked into the living room, everybody went quiet, and looked expectantly at him.

Sasori was the first to break the silence: "So, how did it go?" he asked, as Deidara walked over to him. "Not very good", the blonde said, as he settled himself on Sasoris lap.

"You were right Pein. He doesn't remember anything. And before I could explain,

he fainted.

Pein sighed.

Even though he was sure that his theory was correct, he still had hoped he was mistaken.

"What? How can he not remember us? He was here for four years!" Konan screeched.

Her little baby didn't remember her? He didn't know his momma anymore? This thought hurt her more than anything else could. "You didn't tell them, Deidara?" Pein asked. "No, I thought you would." the bomb lover said sheepishly.

"Tell us what?" Itachi spoke for the first time. Until now he just sat there quietly, listening to

the others.

On the outside looking as calm as always, but in the inside he was on the edge of crying. Finally, they had found his Naru-Chan, his Sunshine, even though the condition he was in, as he and Kisame found him was anything but happy, and now he didn't remember any of them.

"Well," Pein started, "I had this theory for a while now. See, you all know Shizune, Tsunades sidekick, right?" As everybody agreed, he continued. "Well, she isn't as innocent and nice, as she makes everybody believe her to be. What almost nobody knows, is that she has a special power,that makes her even more dangerous than all of the three Sanin together."

At this all of the Akatsuki, except Pein, looked shocked.

The mousy, nice woman, was stronger than three of the most powerful ninjas together? That bordered on the incredible.

"What is this special power?" Kakuzu asked. He even let his money alone,

just to listen to the story. Naruto, his diamond, was more important than any money he had.

"She can change peoples minds. Not like the Yamanakas, who just invade peoples minds, while they are still aware of it, no, she can make you forget everything u ever learnt in one moment,and in the next one, she build you a completely new identity, and can turn you against your own comrades because you think they're your enemies."

The others were once again, shocked. With power like this, she could rule the world,

turning people into her slaves.

"So, you think that she made Naru forget us? Made him think he belongs to those fuckers in Konoha?"

Hidan shouted furiousl. when there was one thing he loved as much as his god, Jashin,

it was Naruto.

"It sure looks like it." Deidara sighed, depressed.

"Come on, Dei. Everything is going to be alright." Sasori soothed, and kissed his blonde on the cheek.

Said blonde gave a tired smile, looked at the faces of his comrades and friends, and said:

"I sure hope so."

AN: A bit longer, right? And faster. Hope you're satisfied. And as you noticed, SasoDei will be a side pairing. Much love, Lilith.


	5. Chapter 5

by shadow-lady65

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. So please don't sue me, there isn't anything I could give you...I'm so poor...*cries*

Summary: Naruto is slowly breaking under the abuse from the villagers, when a fight with Sakura sends him over the edge.

Desperate, he joins Akatsuki. Can those people he's always been told to be evil and stone-hearted show him what it's like to have a family...?  
ItaNaru, SasoDei, PeinKonan, onesided KisaIta and a surprise pairing you will learn of this chapter.

Warnings: This is yaoi/slash possible PeinNaru people, if you haven't already noticed. Boy on boy love. If this offends you, please hit the back button.

Rating: T, for now.

There's also violence, possible character death (nobody important), graphic scenes, and later on lemons. This is AU, Orochimaru never happened (at least not in the canon way), Naruto didn't have an encounter with Akatsuki yet and his family is different as in the canon.

AN: Because of a good review, I thought my concept over and decided to go along with it. PeinNaru or ItaNaruPein will not happen in this story. And also I know, a lot of you won't like this surprise pairing, but a part of my little sick mind thought it was great, and I usually agree with this part. So yeah, hope you can enjoy my story anyways.

_Chapter 4_

**In Konoha, after Naruto left**

Sasuke watched Naruto run away until he couldn't be seen anymore. Then he turned to his pink haired comrade. "Sakura." he said, slowly walking to where she was standing. "Yeah, Sasuke?" she chirped happily, already forgetting about the Naruto incident. *Slap*

Her cry of pain resounded over the whole area. "You fucking bitch! What's wrong with you?" the raven yelled, furious. "But, Sasuke-kun" Sakura stammerd, crying.

"Shut up. I'm leaving." Sasuke hissed, and ran into the same direction Naruto went.

"You really messed this up Sakura." Kakashi said, as he went to the place the bitch was standing, holding her cheek in shock.

"Ugh, what did I do? It was all Narutos fault! He shoved me first. And nothing I said was a lie." "I know, but still, you know you have to play nice. Tsunade's going to be very angry with you. You can't spoil our plan."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'll find Sasuke now, and ask him on a date. By Kakashi-sensei." pinkie said and went to find Sasuke.

The copy nin waved one time, and then walked away slowly, reading his stupid book.

Yellow eyes narrowed in anger. How could they not care about their blonde teammate like this? What was this plan the older ninja was speaking of? And most important, he was going to kill that bubblegum for even thinking about HIS Sasu-chan in such a way!

Slowly, the unknown ninja jumped down from the three he was hiding in. He needed some answers. And he knew exactly where he could get them. 'It has been to long, since I saw my little raven anyways.' the male thought, slowly licking his lips.

This conversation he was going to enjoy.

**Akatsuki Hideout, present time**

'This is all so surreal', Naruto thought, as he walked through some dark corridors.

After he woke up this morning, he had a lot time to think about the things that happened yesterday, and decided that he wanted to know more.

Guessing, that nobody would come for him, he decided to find the Akatsuki on his own. Who would have thought that their base is as big as Konoha?

'Are you lost?' a voice behind him said suddenly.

'Argh!' Naruto yelled, scared out of his wits. There was a creepy guy standing right in front of him now, holding a giant sword. He looked kind of like a shark, skin a light blue.

"No need to scream, Blondie. I aint that scary." he tried to calm Naruto down.

"Not that scary ? Have you ever looked into a mirror? You look like a fucking psycho fish with that sword on your back, which favorite dinner is little kids and as dessert a cute kitty!"

the blonde said, freaked out. "Ouch. That hurt." the poor fishy said, clutching his heart in mock horror. The younger male had a interesting way with words, it seemed. Psycho fish. He snorted.

"First off, my name is Kisame. Not psycho fish. Second, it isn't my fault my mother brought such an ugly baby to this world.. And last but not least, you are coming with me now. I'm going to bring you to the others,

since you are so obviously lost."

Naruto considered this. He had to find the others, yes, and this Kisame didn't seem too bad.

"Alright", the demon container said, "I'll come with you." "Good-" Kisame begun, "But only", Naruto interrupted him, " If you promise not to eat me." Sigh. "Promise."

"Ok, then lets go". And on they went.

**With Sasuke, after he searched for Naruto**

It was a very tired and anxious Sasuke Uchiha, that opened the door to his house.

He had searched for Naruto everywhere. His apartment, the ramen stand, at the houses of his friends, in the forest, simply everywhere.

But he was nowhere to be seen. Sasuke simply hoped, nothing serious had happened to the idiot.

Now he just wanted a hot shower and then crawl into his bed.

But just as the raven started to undress, somebody knocked on the could this be, he wondered, as he made his way to the door. Maybe Naruto,

who had finally come back from wherever he was.

Sasuke opened the door, just to find a very smug ang wet...

"Orochimaru?"

AN: So yeah. Hope it's ok. Love to all my reviewers, and readers. You guys rock.


	6. Chapter 6

by shadow-lady65

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. So please don't sue me, there isn't anything I could give you...I'm so poor...*cries*

Summary: Naruto is slowly breaking under the abuse from the villagers, when a fight with Sakura sends him over the edge.

Desperate, he joins Akatsuki. Can those people he's always been told to be evil and stone-hearted show him what it's like to have a family...?  
ItaNaru, SasoDei, PeinKonan, onesided KisaIta and a surprise pairing you will learn of this chapter.

Warnings: This is yaoi/slash people, if you haven't already noticed. Boy on boy love. If this offends you, please hit the back button.

Rating: T, for now.

There's also violence, possible character death (nobody important), graphic scenes, and later on lemons. This is AU, Orochimaru never happened (at least not in the canon way), Naruto didn't have an encounter with Akatsuki yet and his family is different as in the canon.

_Chapter 5_

**Akatsuki Hideout, just before Kisame and Naru arrive**

"So...", Sasori started, "Is there anyway to reserve the block in Naruto's memory?"

"Yes. But it's difficult." Pein said. "The only way to break trough Shizune's power is love. Pure, unconditional love. And even if we found somebody who Naruto could love like that,

it doesn't necessarily have to work. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't."

"Pure love ?" Itachi asked, speaking up for the first time.

"Yes. I can give you a story I still remember for an example. I was resting in a little town, hidden in the desert of Suna, when I met Tsunade and Shizune. Tsunande was gambling there, and Shizune followed her as always. While Tsunade was in a casino, the bitch decided to have some fun with her powers,

and tried to make a mother believe her little son was the most disgusting being in the world, and that she had to kill him. But the mother's love for her son was stronger than Shizune's power and she overcame the hate and disgust, swooped up her little boy and ran away, screaming. That's how I learned of her power, and that there's a chance to overcome it."

"Bloody love, huh? That's so fucking cliché." Hidan snorted.

The door to the big common room opened, and Naruto and Kisame walked it.

"What's up with love?" Kisame asked, oblivious. "And why do you never talk about stuff like that while I'm with you?"

"Because nobody wants to make love to a fish!" Naruto drawled. "I'm not a fish!" the poor fishy squeaked.

Everybody, except Naruto and Kisame laughed. "He's definitely your brother, Dei." Sasori chuckled.

"Yeah, I'm pretty funny, I know. But, I really have some important questions right now, so..." Naruto started. "You're right." Pein said, getting himself under control again. "We're going to tell you everything you need to know. Just take a seat and we will get started."

Naruto sat down beside Itachi and Konan, and waited expectantly. "So, for starters, I guess you want to know, why Deidera is your half brother?" Seeing the blonde nod, Deidera begun.

"Well, you see, our Dad, who you know was the fourth Hokage, was an early firecracker. When he was 15, he met my mum, and well...you know, they made me. Seeing as he was so young; my mum was 23; and had a great career as Hokage planned, he couldn't take care of me, so he left me with my mum. Of course, he visited from time to time, and I went to Konoha a few times, but I still missed him dearly. Then, when he was 24, he met your mum." Here, he stopped, looking at Konan. Said woman sighed, and said quietly:

"Which is me."

**At Sasuke's, with Sasu and Oro**

"Orochimaru! What are you doing here!" Sasuke asked, shocked.

"Sasu-chan, don't be that way! What about a: Hello love, it's really nice to have you here,

why don't you come in so I can give you some dry clothes and you can fuck me into the mattress? " Orochimaru smirked.

"Oh, shut up." Sasuke said good-naturedly. "Come in you big brute and tell me what you want." "You, of course, hun." the other male said, while he walked into the cozy apartment.

"Can't you think of anything else besides sex?" the raven muttered, shaking his head in mock disbelieve. He was already so used to his lovers antics, he really didn't mind them anymore.

After they got Orochimaru into new clothes, they sat in Sasuke's living room, panting from a hot make out session. When both were able to breath regularly again, Orochimaru begun. "Well, you were right earlier, I'm not just here for the sex. Even though it's clearly an added bonus. It's about your teammate, Naruto. You see, after you left the training place, I overheard a conversation between the pinkie bitch and your sensei.

They seemed to really hate Naruto, and that perv was talking about some plan, and how pinkie messed it up and was going to be punished for it by Tsunade. Do you have any idea what that plan could be?"

"No...But what do you mean with 'they seemed to hate Naruto'? I know Sakura doesn't like him to much, but Kakashi and Naru were ok with each other." Sasuke asked thoughtfully.

"It didn't look like that to me. They were calling him a monster, a good-for-nothing freak, or stuff like that. They didn't care about him in the slightest."

"What?" Sasuke couldn't believe it. Had he been fooled so much by his team? Nothing made sense anymore. Sakura and Kakashi turned out to be such assholes, Naruto disappeared...His team was falling apart. Slowly tears made their way down the raven's cheek.

"There, there, Sasu-chan. Don't cry, everything is going to be ok again. I promise." Orochimaru whispered to him, but Sasuke didn't stop, and Orochimaru let him, and simply held him the whole night, murmuring sweet nonsense into his love's ear.

_AN: So, here you go. It's really been a long time since the last update, and I know this sucks. Next chapter will be longer and better. Thanks for all the reviews so far, they really make me happy. Much love, _

_Lilith._


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